Welp...herpes.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
