The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
