i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize