so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
