I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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