i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
