Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
