I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
