he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
