i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
