Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
how drunk are you?
Several
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
