if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
