Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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