just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
