I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
