you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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