once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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