There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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