don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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