I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
