We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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