how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
