too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
