So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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