I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
