And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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