yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize