fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize