Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
