if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
