God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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