the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
