biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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