I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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