Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize