The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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