Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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