I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
