tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize