i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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