wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
