for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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