Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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