thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
