3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
that is very illegal...i love you.
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