After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
