As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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