We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
