just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drake has all the answers
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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