I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
