so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
