YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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