he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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