I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
