a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
