i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
