I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
