Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
