do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
