In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
