I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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