you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
