Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
