apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
