I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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