Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
